Why is it so hard to talk about God?

For many of us, talking about God with others is not only uncomfortable, but it’s really foreign. It often feels so unnatural that it can make us squirm. Sometimes we don’t quite know what we believe, so we avoid the topic altogether. Other times, we’re sure we don’t believe in God, so we assume there’s nothing to say. Or maybe we do believe, but we’re afraid of sounding preachy or being judged. Add in the pressure of raising kids or working in a religious school setting, and suddenly the stakes feel incredibly high. What if we say the wrong thing? What if we accidentally pass on guilt or fear? It’s easier to just stay quiet.

We know why it’s hard to talk about God. So now what?

First, we need to understand why it matters - not just for our kids, but for us, too. A sense of spirituality - whatever that means to each of us - is just as essential to a full life as our emotional or intellectual development. It helps us ask the bigger questions, stay grounded, and connect to something beyond ourselves.

We need to be attuned not only to our physical, visible world, but to a world beyond what we can see and feel. Rabbi David Wolpe writes: “Living well means living with some sensitivity toward all we cannot see, forces in the world that are over and above us, and even within us.” What we believe about God - or the universe, or meaning, or mystery - shapes how we see ourselves, each other, and the world around us; it helps guide our lives and center our values in incredibly meaningful ways.

Now, let’s be clear: spirituality isn’t one-size-fits-all. For some, it’s deeply rooted in religion: prayers, rituals, sacred texts. For others, it’s found in nature, creativity, meditation, service, or simply in the awe of being alive. Some people believe in a personal God, while others find meaning in connection, love, or a sense of cosmic order. All of these are valid expressions of a spiritual life.

James Fowler, who studied faith development, makes a useful distinction: faith isn’t necessarily religious. He describes faith as a search for a grounding center of value - something we trust to give our lives meaning. Religion, then, is a tradition that carries the accumulated wisdom of past generations: the symbols, stories, rituals, and teachings that express that search. The two are connected, but not the same.

Faith is personal. It’s evolving. It asks us to stay curious and open. And it gives us a sense of the sacred - that life is more than just what’s on the surgace. We don’t have to have all the answers. In fact, wrestling with questions, doubts, and contradictions is often where the richest growth happens.

Think about the best relationships in your life. They’re not perfect or linear. They have ups and downs, closeness and distance, clarity and confusion. They challenge you. They teach you. Through those waves, you come to understand who you are in relation to the other. The same can be true in our relationship with God. Just as every human connection is unique, so is each person’s spiritual experience. No two relationships with God - or divinity - will look exactly the same. In God’s infinite nature, there are infinite ways of being known, felt, or understood. It’s our work to figure out what that relationship looks like for us. That relationship is going to look different for everyone. 

So yes, it’s hard to talk about God. Especially for adults, who are used to having polished opinions and tidy answers. We worry about looking naive or saying the wrong thing. But if we can start small, if we can let go of the idea that we need to be experts in everything, we might open up space for real connection. We might discover that others have the same questions. We might even feel less alone.

So maybe the goal isn’t to have the perfect words. Maybe it’s just to start talking. If we can start breaking down the taboo of God, if we can start to explore God conversation with our parents, our kids, our closest friends - even with just ourselves - we might finally be able to break past the barrier of discomfort, and enter a realm of relationship, whatever that relationship may be. 

You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to be willing to talk.